“How are you?

Posted byPam FanjoyPosted inUncategorized

”Grief is never something you get over. You don’t wake up one morning and say, ‘I’ve conquered that; now I’m moving on.’ It’s something that walks beside you every day. And if you can learn how to manage it and honour the person that you miss, you can take something that is incredibly sad and have some form of positivity.”

Terri IRWIN

This is something that speaks to me! When people ask me how I am doing, I know they mean well and I appreciate that they care enough to ask. But it is also a very difficult question to answer because I really don’t know how I am doing. Having never done this before, I don’t know if I am meeting “landmarks” of grief when I should.

What I CAN tell you is that:

  • I don’t fall asleep at night – I don’t lay in bed crying, I just can’t sleep
  • I don’t ever want to go back to work. I have a stressful job that will push me over the edge. Thankfully I have friends at work who are very caring and supportive but the people “above me” do not care and that makes the thought of returning to work VERY unappealing.
  • I have good moments and then some sad ones but they are definitely interspersed – although I am always a little sad, I do not have 24 hour long “bad days”
  • I feel like I got really ripped off and I am super sad that I don’t get to spend the next 40 years with the person I REALLY wanted to spend them with
  • I am thankful for my family and friends and although I don’t really want to socialize with people and “hang out” like before, I know that I am so lucky to have them
  • I hope that I will want to socialize again soon because I feel guilty when I say no to invitations
  • I see Rob in EVERYTHING – silly things bring memories flooding back
  • I can’t tell you how many times a day I grab my phone to text him or jump up to run and share something with Rob
  • I sometimes feel badly that I am NOT crying more and that I appear to be normal-ish but, as Luke often reminds me, Rob would want us to try and live our lives and remember the good times rather than focusing on the sad end of his life

Published by Pam Fanjoy

I am just like you! A regular woman who went to work Monday to Friday, came home and did all that stuff that we all do - raised my kids, played with my dogs, worked around the house and spent time with my husband. Like most of us, I feel like I took that relationship for granted. I knew I was lucky but I didn't know HOW lucky - until January 26, 2021. The day that Rob passed away. As a way to work through this really crappy, unfair time, I thought I would start a blog. Not to whine and complain but to document those times AND the good ones! Because there ARE good times as well!

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